Oldies but goodies
old journal entries from 1995 to 2009
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Magnolia Bend
Keeping my head held high. Saving face. Holding onto pride. Laughing in spite of sadness. Sometimes it is all too clear. I criticize what I cannot begin to understand, but this does not mean I am bitter. Irritated by tiny gestures put forth in an attempt to turn on the unattainable party. You were in my dream helping me fight off an evil presence. It was a house occupied by my spirit in some lifetime, and once again I returned. This vision is reoccurring, but last night there was a clearness for the first time. Wood was rotting away from years of abandonment. All of our things were still in…
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Professor Gargamel
I took a Drawing I course in college back in 2000. I needed one more elective class and figured this would be a good way to learn how to draw. The professor insisted that he would grade us according to our skill level. I talked to him after class, told him I really had no skill level, that I was a beginner, and he assured me not to worry. One month later, I had to drop the course. I don’t remember his real name, but his nickname came about due to his work as a cartoonist for The Smurfs back in the early eighties. We often arrived in class each…
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Untitled
A man I once held very dear in my youth showed me the silver lining, and I believed 100 percent in everything he said, but secrets sometimes seep through the cracks revealing truths, unexpected, un-planned for, even psychics were caught off guard. I stand by my decisions, and my beliefs are mine alone. Silver linings are only produced when the sun penetrates rain clouds, this I believe 100 percent. Black Book, 2009
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Suspended in September
Remember when we used to walk down to the docks to get away from life? For hours we sat under that bridge talking about our dreams and crying about our current situations. I need that now. Tonight is hard to handle when the past repeats itself and the future already decided. I am finding it hard to deal with sensitive feelings that are looking to me for explanations. Keep it to yourself. Suppress. Deny. Keep it together. I wish you were here to walk with me for miles and lend that ear that I used to take for granted. I wish you were here to throw glass bottles with me…
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March 22, 2009
Half-finished and undone, but isn’t that always the way? All those things we never said, words held back are progressively losing their chance for release as the years go by. I have chanced my confessions in the wake of family functions, birthdays and weddings. I found my voice but continued to go on ignored. The truth is so seldom welcomed. Isn’t it strange the way things never go the way we imagined, and if they do, it’s always a bit of a disappointment. I guess I need more, but I don’t know what that would be, I only know that there is no room left under the rug. The Black…
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Back to the Boonies
In two days I’ll be back at the farm with granny and the cows. I really do enjoy being up there, but it can get boring at times. At night is always the best. The weather cools off, a breeze sets in, and the stars come out. Not to mention all the bats that fly around the farm. My nightly ritual there is to sit on the golf cart and watch the bats feed off insects under the lamp light. I once had one fly right by me and brushed up against my shoulder. Took me by surprise for I wasn’t even paying attention to them at the time. After…
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Where’s my Bald Eagle?
Leave no trace of your existence here. My footprints will be swept clean by a strong gust of wind and my scent will be over-ridden by native animals reclaiming their land. The painted cliffs just ahead are making faces at me, and impressed by their ability to frequently change character, I return the favor with a smile. Rain clouds are gaining on me, but instead of making my way back home in a steady pace, I stay seated upon this rock watching the storm roll in. This morning when I awoke with a mild hangover, I had no intentions to hike into the park by myself, but three hours into…
